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Not Part of the Plan- GirlDefined

I was so thankful to again be chosen to be a part of the launch team for GirlDefined’s new book: “Not Part of the Plan: Trusting God with the twists and turns of your story.” I was so excited when they announced this new book. I’ve been so encouraged as I’ve followed the story of Bethany’s long journey of singleness and Kristen’s trial of infertility. Their openness to these struggles have encouraged me so much as I see their love for the Lord grow even in the midst of hard. I remember hearing Kristen share of her third miscarriage at the 2019 GirlDefined conference- months after a big and hard life disappointment for me. I was lost and confused and my only hope was to cling to the Lord as my life didn’t go in the direction I had hoped it would. And hearing the struggle Kristen had gone through and how the Lord comforted and worked in her heart was so helpful.  I was so excited to read this book. I’ve loved every book of theirs. It’s so personable and so very practical. They share ...
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Last Devotional of 2016

December 25, 2016

My heart is full.  With blessings and thankfulness, hurt, fear, desires, and things I can't even understand.
One minute I feel so much joy and motivations and the next I feel lost and shut in.
It's hard to explain everything and the way I sometimes feel like I will explode with emotion.
I worry about what the future holds for me and with the desires I want, but don't seem to be happening.  I fear that my heart is not in the right place. I fear that my joy is in other things, and this does not bring me everlasting joy, but uncertainties. I feel anger towards others, but don't know why for sure and it scares and anger me even more.  I want to be able to love and forgive those who have hurt me.  I want things, but it all seems overwhelming.


This is what I felt with the pressure of the new year coming so soon.  This was the heavy weight that kept me from true joy of the New Year.  I wasn't ready to embrace 2017, honestly the whole getting older has been scaring me these last few months.  I couldn't/can't believe how fast everything has been going and when I thought of the new year all these emotions began to suffocate me. 
I wasn't ready, I didn't have any goals, all I could see was work, school, and more work.  I couldn't see my true wishes and desires coming to light.  I wanted to find joy now and I didn't think that what I was doing/have been doing was bringing me joy, so I didn't want to be stuck in that same routine.  And soon all of this became about me and me only.  I don't find joy here so I became sad.  I didn't want to do this anymore so I gave into my feelings and everything seemed dark and all theses lies began to blind me.
Now I'm not saying these things governed me, especially now, but I am also not saying I have conquered any of these emotions because I have not. At. All.  I have so many fears and I don't know what tomorrow will look like or two years from now, but I do know that my days are numbered.  I'm not promised tomorrow.  So right now is what I have and I want to be thankful for the time I have with a family who loves me.  I want to be thankful for the opportunity to work, to learn, and to afford the many things I have.  There are so many hidden joys in each day, week, month, and year.
And I pray that I can wake up each day and with joy look at the things the Lord has blessed me with-health, a loving family, friends, and salvation.
This is what I want my 2017 to look like!

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